1. Take you time, don’t be in a rush. As the saying goes, good things come to those who wait.
2. Don’t set any expectations. This isn’t a competition.
3. Communicate, talk to her, ask her what she wants you to do to her. This feedback is essential in knowing exactly what she likes.
4. Create a nice environment, make sure it’s comfortable and you won’t be disturbed.
5. Start slowly, don’t just jump straight in. Kisses and cuddles are a good start. Build the excitement using the F word. Foreplay.
6. Try something other than intercourse, a study of 555 women found that 6% found it easy to come through intercourse alone while 14% came while receiving oral sex.
7. Encourage her to show you what she likes, make her feel comfortable with touching herself in front of you.
8. Don’t neglect the clit, whether it’s through oral or manual stimulation don’t forget the clit!
9. Lube, use it. Wetness is not like an erection. It’s not a guarantee of arousal and some women need a little extra.
10. Learn patience and self control. Remember on average it takes a women 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. For the average guy is take 2-5 minutes.

But under any circumstances, is faking it, really a good idea? First and foremost, it is dishonest, and at a time when each person is at their most intimate and vulnerable. This act may not seem all to major to some, but it leads to discontentment and a subtle dislike of sex, particularly if one finds it difficult to peak every time. Lying about it will not resolve anything because your partner will not know any different.

If you are honest about not being able to orgasm, then you and your partner can work together at figuring out how to bring you pleasure during sex. This can be done in a gentle way too – without just blurting out that you never orgasm! This would only hurt their feelings and ruin the mood somewhat! So approach the subject tenderly, and be ready with your suggestions in place that your partner can do to make you orgasm, even if this only involves some mutual masturbation. Every relationship needs intimacy to survive on that level, and interaction by one another is the key to a healthy sex life. It may be best to discover the ways you orgasm best by yourself, and then introduce them into your bedroom life. This way, your partner will not feel at a loss and confused as to where to start.

Having intercourse to allow your partner to orgasm is a great way to begin the process of pleasuring each other, but make sure your partner is aware that you might not orgasm, therefore you may like some oral simulation, before or after, masturbation, implement the use of sex toys – whatever it is that will allow you to enjoy yourself.

Some people are quite content to please their partner when they cannot orgasm, and this is good particularly if the mood does not take them now and again. But to only have sex to please your partner is not entirely healthy. It allows a one sided pleasure, and will eventually result in resentment and the making of excuses to avoid sex.

So is it ever alright to fake an orgasm? The only time it might be alright, is on a one night stand where you really don’t feel it is going to happen, but you don’t plan on seeing this person again! It may get the job done if you are eager to get out of there, and it will avoid hurting their feelings at that time. But beware – many men can tell when a woman really orgasms. He feels the vaginal muscles contacting, the pupils dilate, the chest and neck often flushes pink, the nipples harden… These things are mostly out of the control of a woman, so if your partner knows what he is looking for, he will know if you are faking it!

The woman was airlifted to hospital after using a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade. Yes you read that correctly, the man who called 911 admitted to attaching the dildo to the saw and then using it as an extreme fuck machine!

Apparently the saw cut through the toy (who would have though!) and then into the woman. OOOOWWWWWWW! She is said to be out of hospital and recovering from her injuries.

People often consider masturbation a taboo subject. Religious groups frown upon it, people in relationships feel guilty even thinking about it, others just sometimes feel ashamed. But when it comes to it, it is a completely natural urge, it provides pleasure to yourself and it helps you to find out what you like and don’t like, thus aiding you in bed when it comes to guiding a lover. This is especially helpful if you have trouble achieving orgasm. Unless you know yourself you can’t expect your lover to magically know how to make you cum.

As adolescents, laws prohibit teens from engaging in sexual intercourse, and so masturbation provides an outlet for hormonal impulses and feelings while also teaching them about their own bodies. As adults, people continue to engage in masturbation for the same pleasure – as a joint, intimate activity with a partner or for some, to reach orgasm when sex does not result in climax. Many women have never and are simply not able to reach orgasm during sex with a partner and so masturbation is the only way in which to pleasure themselves. Others may do it to reach a different type of orgasm – if intercourse only provides a G-spot orgasm then they may masturbate for clitoral stimulation or vice versa.

When the hormones surge and a woman finds herself aroused and alone, masturbation may be the answer. Whether in bed or in the bath tub or even in the car while sitting in traffic (if the opportunity should present itself!) self satisfaction can prove to be more than just an orgasm. This release of energy can calm nerves, relieve stress, and perhaps save a relationship if a couple finds themselves apart for a period of time – thus evading the need for sex with other people.

Masturbating while apart, can bring a couple closer. Partners on business trips or similar can always engage in phone sex with each other, or ‘mail sex’ – via the post. A much slower form of communication, but if one pleasures themselves upon each detailed and lustful letter, then absence can make the heart grow fonder! The build up while waiting for each other’s letters will heighten the pleasure.

But if sex is not getting any results and you need the release of sexual energy, then solo sex may help you to find the missing link. By experimenting with your own hands or the use of sex toys, you can find out how exactly to push your own buttons! Toys, particularly dildos and vibrators, can aid in the discovery of a G-spot orgasm. Other vibrators are designed for clitoral stimulation – the easiest and usually quickest way for a woman to climax – or failing that, your own finger work just as good!

As a result of the ‘taboo’ and general privacy surrounding masturbation, some find it difficult and embarrassing to masturbate in front of or with a partner. The feeling of being watched and ‘evaluated’ as you go about the deed on your own can sometimes cause people distraction from the point and feel self conscious. The trick is to help each other. During foreplay, guide a partners hand in doing what you would do to yourself, while you do the same to them at the same time. Alternatively, you can hog the attention! While they play with you, guide them to the right places, and as the pleasure overtakes you, use your own hand to pleasure yourself as well. You may find that before you know it, you’ll be so into doing what you’re doing, you won’t notice that your partner stops and instead becomes enthralled in watching (and learning) about you, and probably joining in themselves. In doing this, the embarrassment and reservations will disappear and you can both enjoy the wonders of masturbation together!

Some women may find extreme pleasure in rough or hard squeezing of their nipples, others find soft and gentle massage as what does it for them. But as with everything sexual, everyone is different!

In a study which questioned 213 women, a whopping 29% were said to have experienced some sort of orgasm via breast only stimulation. It is believed that this is because a ‘pleasure’ hormone which is present during orgasm, Oxytocin, is produced when the nipples become aroused and erect.

Some women have reported a distinct relation to uterine contractions that have not been apparent during a clitoral orgasm. Others claim to not feel anything related to the genitalia, just a pleasurable feeling around their breasts, goose bumps etc.

Of course, as with any orgasm, there are a lot of psychological factors are involved. It takes the electrical signals from the brain to assist in the arousal of the body. But during a breast orgasm, there may be some very maternal instincts involved as well. Manipulation of the breasts will make a woman feel maternal, and the instinct to reproduce kicks in, thus arousing her further. With continued stimulation of the breasts, this may sometimes result in the climax. It may be that the mind makes the body think the two are connected or it can be physical, since the nervous system is so intertwined.

During foreplay or during sex itself, the nipples play a big part in sensitivity and excitement. The use of nipple clamps have become a part of sex, mainly in BDSM type scenarios, but a pinch between fingers or a nibble with the teeth will act in very much the same way.

Every woman will feel something different. Perhaps some do not take pleasure from their breasts, especially if they are very tender. Some people revel in breast fondling. However, there is no particular technique to a breast orgasm. It is just a case that some people can and some people can’t. But there’s no harm in trying!

* Missionary position.
Perhaps one of the oldest positions in the book, man on top, woman on the bottom. This is a good position for women since the natural upward curve of an erect penis will chafe against both her G-spot and clitoris during sex. The man has the advantage for control at this angle, but the women can hold his hips and guide herself as they make love, thus guiding him to rub against the places she wishes and when. Missionary can also be taken with a twist, literally, if you roll onto your side. This allows both of you to control the movements.

* Cowgirl / Reverse Cowgirl.
The former is where the woman sits on top of the man who is lying on his back. From this position, the woman has complete control over the speed, depth and angle. Leaning forward may cause his penis to rub against the clitoris better, whereas leaning back will allow you to concentrate more on your G-spot. This can also be modified by squatting on his penis rather than sitting on him. Bouncing this way can feel ultra-sensual and provide more leverage. Reverse cowgirl is of course the same, but the woman faces the man’s feet. This may not be as effective for clitoral stimulation, but the pressure of the penis inside you from this angle will stimulate the G-spot well.

* Against a wall.
Standing face to face, the woman leans her back against the wall with the man against her. Her leg must come up and around his waist to provide him access. This leaves the man mainly in control, to thrust against her, but it does provide a good method of friction! Of course, against a wall doesn’t need be as far as it goes – you can take it to the stair case, the bathroom, the kitchen counters…!

* Spooning.
The man enters the woman from behind as she lays in front of him either against the contours of his body or curved over so he can gain better access. This position, especially with your legs pressed together can increase friction on both the clit and g-spot. It also leaves the mans hand’s free if you require an extra set of hands.

If you happen to be in the unlucky 20%, a member of the Can’t Cum Club, fear not. Here are a few tips and methods you can try that I’ve found effective. Remember I was a card-carrying member of CCC for 8 years! I just hope I can help some of you junior members!

Firstly, you have to determine what ‘kind of’ woman you are… that is to say, whether you climax best through purely clitoral stimulation or if you can get there through vaginal, or G-spot stimulation. Or even better – both! Once you have worked out which works best for you you can focus on positions, toys and techniques that best suit the various types of orgasm.

I’ll be writing about the various types of orgasm soon, until then let’s just try and work out which one to aim for! I’m assuming you’ve all tried to reach orgasm so you have some idea of what feels good. Maybe you’ve been close but just can’t seem to tip over the edge, or you’ve noticed it’s easier to let go in a certain position or with a certain type of stimulation?

Well homework this week is to set aside some ‘me’ time and really just focus on identifying what feels good. Don’t aim to cum! Don’t have any preconceptions just take your time and find out exactly how you like to feel. It could be light clit stimulation, maybe indirect clit stimulation, try feeling full either with your fingers or if you have a toy, try combining both. If you know how to find your g-spot then give that a go!

The idea is to really just try it all out and see what feels the best. I’d suggest doing this alone for now, there’s no need to introduce any additional pressures either feeling you have to pleasure your lover or that it’s taking too long.

Now, this blog wouldn’t make much sense if everything was fine in the sex department! Fact is until I was 24 I’d never had an orgasm. Not once.

I spent much of my teenage years tracking the elusive beast on daily safari’s with no success. I tried numerous ‘toys’, various positions and quite a few cocks, nothing worked. I spent hours reading Cosmo religiously while trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

Fact is that research has proven that at least 12% of all married women have never experienced orgasm. Realistically, I think the actual figure is closer to 20%. While 75% don’t orgasm during intercourse.

At the time I felt I was the only one with these problems, that I was somehow to blame or broken. I can honestly say I have never been so depressed, it was led to the breakup of 2 relationships, I was at my wits end.

I’ve been planning on writing this blog for a while now. I don’t want other women to go through what I went through. I want to be able to point them to the advice and research I read, to be able to help them. This blog is very much my personal journey and what I’ve discovered and turned up along the way. If you’re after more general advice then I also write for a sexual advice blog covering a range of topics from fantasies to dildos and how to choose a vib!

So, in a nutshell, that’s me. Let’s get going…